Definition of Insanity
So the conventional wisdom is that doing the same thing and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.
I get annoyed with this. It is a little trite. First thing I learnt, under the tutelage of this hard assed bastard of a sensei when I was 12 years old was that to be good at Goju-Kai you had to do the same thing over, and over, and over, and when your limbs are going to fall off and your knuckles are bleeding and you have sores on your feet, keep doing it. This is what makes you better than someone who just wants to look like they can do it.
This sensei was German. Helmut was his name. He had done some work as a laborer on my dads farm. He was one of the guys who saved me from being ripped in half by a loose 6ft tall sheet of corrugated iron in a massive wind storm when I was just stunned staring at it building up speed dancing in the air and then flying at me. It takes balls translated into decisive action to leap INTO very real danger to drag a dumb kid out of the way of likely death. Almost everyone else was hiding behind a tractor. So I thought he was alright.
Helmut had learnt Goju-Kai from some Japanese guys, in actual Japan I think. This was not one of the cute pretty martial arts back then in the 80s. It was an integrated mind body soul to fuck up the other guy thing. The kicks and punches were not flashy. Its all about twisting the hips and twist the wrist at the right moment. Timing, persistence, patience.
Later seeing epic leaping into the air roundhouse kicks of friends in high school doing Tae Kwon Do - yes it was theatrically impressive, but they didnt have the gravitas, their sensei was a business man first and you didn't get the sense of fear and awe when they just stood in front of you without doing anything that you did with Helmut. I think it was sort of the Japanese Krav Maga in the era of the emergence of Operatic martial arts.
Half the training sessions with Helmut were sitting on your heels and practicing focusing your mind. When you finally got around to doing Kata - patterns - its when you noticed the difference the meditation played. You learnt more. Not faster, you didnt become stronger or with better reach or have a super prescient ability to block. You just saw more patterns within the patterns. You had more options, more levers, and you could see it in real time. Practicing the patterns meant your mind was free from the basic mechanics, as this was muscle memory now, to focus on the more abstract patterns.
Litanies
If your a Warhammer 40k fan, you will know all about Litanies as the chants and repetitive prayers of the Space Marine warrior monks before they go into battle and to give them spiritual strength in battle.
Probably the most famous western Litany form prayer is the Rosary. Like all things taken originally from the monastic culture, it was originally very simple - intentionally. And then successive generations of super pious I'm more pious than you give me promote me types then made it complicated. I never liked the Rosary, and it wasn't until I prayed Litanies like they were intended that I realised they are just like a bridge between meditation and Kata - patterns. They free the mind to see the bigger patterns. The dumber, the simpler the better. Of course if you have experience of any other contemplative religious practice (sorry kids this does not include American evangelical religion. I think this is where my I really dont like America thing started, because a lot of America is actually awesome - but then Ho Chi Minh also liked America and wanted to be friends too. Anyway, its just ignorant brutish religion.) - you can recognise this form of prayer. Buddhism is of course into it big time, Judaism has some seriously cool stuff going on in this space, Islam even knows whats what although their equivalent of evangelicalism is busy stamping it out. And yes India. Yes yes yes your important too.
Err... yeah... so what?
I find myself doing the same thing. Over and over. Professional life, personal life. There is not a distinction. Its not a conscious thing the repetition. I get told you need to change, do something different. And this is true, I really want to do something different. Really. But why am I doing the same things, expecting a different outcome?
Spent a long time on this. I don't think why I'm doing it is for the outcome. I'm not trying to punch with more arm strength. I'm trying to elevate above the patterns. See the bigger levers. I don't think I can do that by learning a new way to punch or working out in a gym. Instead, I have to meditate and say my litanies. Elevate my inner self, and then with more options change myself and then my world.
The real tangible benefit so far of this hard slog, has been that I have a lot more depth in my novel thing I'm plugging away at. Will it all be worth it if I end up writing a dogs pile that reddit downvotes my initial release to hell? Hmmm.... well I will or at least should be able to point to it and say with complete conviction it will be a unique work that explores the human condition in ways that other contemporary sci fi has not.
So in the end, it just might be all about crafting a message. Not just any message, but a package of learning and experience for those coming next to learn from or discard as they see need or value. Ultimately this is the only real lasting value we contribute to life, even our DNA dies off or is so diluted with other DNA to lose nearly all distinctness after a few generations. Thought is our value. Thought that shapes other thought. It will be what lives on, even after the humans are gone. I think subconsciously this is what I have been moving to for quite some time now.
Well.... had best get back to writing. 3 more weeks of this time and brain suck of a job to be over. Then I can write. Ah gawd then I have to figure out how to market the damned thing. I have.. ideas.. but this has never been a strong suite. Let us see.
